How to discover (or rekindle) your sexual identity, Knowing what turns you on

Here’s how finding out my sexual blueprint helped me find a new language to improve my sex drive.

I’ve often felt to blame for having a low sex drive.

I always worry that there’s something medically wrong with me. Psychologically wrong. Morally wrong.

But, ever since I found out what my sexual blueprint is, I realised that there’s so much more to the issue than I ever realised.

And, what if it’s partly about me not understanding what I want in bed?

pexels-photo-533189.jpeg

Have you ever heard of a sexual blueprint?

Nope, neither had I.

I wondered if it was some kind of weird newfangled STD all the kids are getting. But nope, it’s a real thing.

And it blew my mind.

Jaiya, an award-winning sexologist, and the amazing woman on a film I watched recently called Sexology, believes that we each have a way we are intrinsically wired to be turned on.

A bit like a love language, it’s worth finding out which one you speak and then figuring out whether your partner can parlez-vous the same, or the way you’d like them to.

She groups our sexual blueprints into five categories:

  1. Energetic
  2. Sensual
  3. Sexual
  4. Kinky
  5. Shape Shifter

I’d encourage you to head on over to her website to read more about them because it’s SO illuminating.

I am 100% energetic. I like temptation, build up and tension.

When I understood this, suddenly everything clicked into place. And I realised I had to learn to ask for what I wanted in bed to align more with what turned me on. The blueprint gave me a language I could use to do so!

It made me realise that my partner was approaching me in completely the wrong way to turn me on.

At the beginning we had the tease, the anticipation, and the desire because we’d spend the time on foreplay beforehand and that was why I was so turned on when we got to penetration. And it hit me like a ton of bricks when I realised that was what was missing– we just jump straight in with no build up.

It helped make sense to me why I was feeling so annoyed when he initiated sex, and why sex felt like an unattractive prospect for me because he wasn’t signalling sex in a way I’d respond to.

We’d both got lazy, and when he just went straight for my nipples or downstairs and the rest of my body or energy wasn’t getting a look in, it was like throwing a bucket of cold water over my sex fire.

Personally, I think porn has had a big impact on how men have sex. For anyone with my blueprint, porn might not be helpful, as it rarely shows much subtle foreplay, like teasing or creating energy with a feather.

That’s a bit too poncy for porn, where they just focus on blow jobs and then cum shots within an 8 minute clip. It’s rarely about women’s pleasure, and even less rarely about the build up, which for me is arguably the most important part!

So I’ve begun communicating to the boyf about where, when and how he should touch me, and our sex life and my drive is beginning to ramp up-mainly because sex is much more attractive to me now!

So, what do you think- do you know your sexual blueprint? Is your partner touching you in the best way to turn you on?

Love,

L

xx

P.S. This knowledge will come in so handy later when we look at how sex is initiated!

Leave a Reply