As it’s #selfcare week, I wanted to cordially remind you of the importance of sexual self care.
No you dirty bugger- it’s not just about wanking (although, that is kinda part of it).
Well, if it’s not about wanking, what is it?
Sexual self care is about all increasing your wellness. And specifically your sexual wellness.
So particularly when you’re feeling a little crestfallen in the bedroom, looking after yourself is key to firing up your desire.
It makes sense that if you’re feeling tired, empty, sad, numb… you aren’t going to be able to pour out any hot love making any time soon. So sexual self-care is about filling your cup up and looking after yourself so that you nourish your sexual identity.
I had actually never come across this concept before, but once I’d come up with my own definition and ideas I googled it and actually it’s a well known thing! So I knew I had to try it….
How do you do it?
I hear you wondering furiously.
Because our sexual health is so linked to our mental and physical health, looking after the latter two will always increase the first.
I realised that sexual self-care involves looking after all parts of you (physical, emotional, social, sensual) so that you feel in tip-top shape to have sex- some of those things may involve more explicitly sexual activities, others are just general self-care that makes you feel good. So this could be anything from running, to reading books on sex to painting your toe-nails.
What I did
To be honest, most of this blog is my sexual self-care- the time I devote in my week to replenishing my sex drive.
I tried to think of it as an investment in myself and a way of looking after my sexual health, just as you might put a face mask on or get a massage for your physical health!
In conjunction with my unsexy list, I tried to think of everything that was the opposite of what was on there, so I knew that I was working on reducing what would turn me off during my self-care.
I also blocked out Sunday nights as a chance every week for me to dedicate to this task.
Below are some of my tops tips about SSC… you’ll know lots of them (but they’ve often got a sexy twist!), and you can find some of them on the blog as things I did to get back my sex drive….
Did it work?
So far, sexual self-care is an absolute MUST for caring for my sex drive.
Reading books and articles isn’t just an indulgent past time- it’s looking after myself and investing in me. Painting my nails isn’t indulgent- it’s essential for me to feel good about myself. Exercise isn’t just to increase my heartrate- it’s me exploring my body and feeling powerful, which has a knock on impact on how I feel in myself.
I can feel a direct positive impact on how I feel in myself if I’m finding time and space to put all of the above into action.
The hard part is ensuring to find time to do this. I often find that I slip off my own to-do list because I’m busy, and everything else takes priority. And I can literally feel that sexual side of me slipping away.
Perhaps the hardest thing then is trying to keep hold of your sexual identity when competing aspects of your life fight for space.
It’s about really ring fencing the time you spend on yourself as much as you can, so that you’re able to dedicate the energy you deserve into making you want sex and not feeling selfish for doing so. This I find extremely tough when life feels so busy and chaotic still, and making myself the priority in order to keep my sex life afloat is something I still need to work on.
Caring about myself enough to sexually self-care is the goal.
How about you, do you sexually self-care? I’d love to know in the comments.