- Do you live life on autopilot- rushing around, always crazy busy, and rarely stopping to breathe?
- Is sex the last thing you need to tick off on an already long to-do list at the end of each day?
- Do you end up exhausted, flopping into bed and trying to get yourself psyched up for one last task just before you go to sleep?
- Do you feel exhausted, irritable, empty?
- Do you dream of your bed to sleep in rather than associate it with sex?
- Do you dread going to bed, get into bed before/after your partner, because you are trying to avoid being intimate because of the time/effort it takes?
- Do you feel annoyed if/when your partner tries to initiate?
- Would you rather watch your favourite TV show than have sex?
- Do your levels of desire increase again when you go on holiday?
If so, you’ve likely become “too busy/stressed/tired for sex”.
Making love has become an additional chore, like cleaning the bathroom or taking the bins out.
And you’ve lost touch with how great sex can be.
One huge warning sign to keep an eye on is annoyance at your partner for initiating sex.
Because it means we feel like they’re bothering us.
We’ve often got our minds full of other things to do, whether that’s chilling out, watching TV, sleeping…. and that feels more important than having sex with them!
We can’t focus on sex because it feels like EVERYTHING needs doing: the washing, the bills, phoning our Mum…
But, the truth is- you need doing too!
Listening to yourself and your reactions can guide you to what your body, mind and soul needs.
That anger or annoyance at requests for sex is an alarm bell that something isn’t right.
Initially we can interpret it as problems in the relationship, or genuine frustration at our partner.
But if you truly listen to yourself, could the anger be signalling that you’re too busy in other areas of your life? That you’ve got too much on, too much to do, too little time to rest?
And that annoyance at their initiation is a warning sign signalling that sex, connection, pleasure, has fallen so far down your to-do list it’s slid off.
If we give priority to almost everything else in our lives, when do we make time to make love?
What to do if I’m too busy for sex?
It can also help to reframe sex– rather than “just something else to do”, think of all of the other benefits it brings to you and your relationship.
Sex is an amazing stress reliever. It can bring you closer to your intimate partner, help you be present, let loose, and is a great form of exercise.
And remember, its supposed to be fun?
This blog by Bez Stone is also a great read. In it, she writes that we should try to receive touch instead of swatting their hand away…. yet do nothing more. So you may also appreciate this section on taking back control- when sex becomes tied in with guilt and pressure so we avoid it.
How about you- do you feel irritated/annoyed if your partner initiates sex?