My journey

The 3 things I’ve learned since starting a sex blog.

Merry Christmas everyone- this will be my last post of 2017, and what better one than a round up of what I’ve learned since beginning blogging in October of this year!

It’s been a fab three months and I’ve learned so much about myself, sex, and also about writing and the blog community. So without further ado, here are the three things I’ve learned since starting a blog on having a low sex drive:

  1. We should talk about sexual well-being and not sexual health.

    When we talk about sexual health, often the focus is on issues like safe sex, infections or preventing pregnancy. We miss out everything else about sex that is just as important for us to be healthy- including consent, pleasure, and desire.

 Through reading and writing about the female libido, I’ve learned that our sexual well-being is just as important as our physical and mental wellbeing. The libido is SO medicalised in our society, and we often talk about hormones, diet and contraceptives as a possible cause. Whilst this is true, there are so many other holistic therapies or alternative ideas to a flagging sex drive that include our relationship to ourselves, to sex, and to our partners. A more inclusive and blended way of thinking about our sexuality is needed to give women more hope and control over their own sex drives.

I’ve also found through work on my own sex drive, self and relationship that if my physical and emotional states are good then my sexual well-being will be too! My goal for 2018 is to use more language around well-being rather than health and raise awareness of all of the other ingredients needed to be sexually healthy, happy and free.

2. Feminist porn is one of the greatest weapons we have in the fight against the patriarchy.

This revelation came from an interview I did with Satine Spark, an amazing porn star who kindly spent her time answering my questions about her sex drive, and a recent chat with a friend where I realised what an impact Satine had on me.

I’ve always been under the impression that pornography is anti-feminist– it can be violent, misogynistic and centred solely around male sexual pleasure.

However, this year has taught me that in fact feminist porn is an incredible counter narrative to the violent stuff- it shows that women do enjoy porn, like watching others have sex, and are sexual people with desires and fantasies.

It also allows women to gain control over the way they are represented within pornography. Satine thinks of porn like sexual art- and women are at the centre of creating their own sexual story. Ain’t nothing more empowering than that!

Lets hope the New Year will find me discovering some different types of porn to float my boat 😉

3. Blogging is hard!

So, blogging is hard work! Who knew? That’s not to say I don’t love it, but trying to fit it in whilst working a full time job and a social life is tough!

There’s also the pitfalls around not getting sucked into worries about viewer numbers, blogging stats or whether your writing is good enough to be out there alongside others- these anxieties have plagued me all year. I’ve sometimes stopped and doubted myself and whether what I’m writing is going to be read, but most importantly, if it’s helped anyone. Sometimes you just need to keep going, focus only on why you’re writing and how it helps you. Anything else is a bonus!

It’s also great to be part of a supportive community of people who are all writing really transparently about their experiences of the process- we’re all in it together.

I’m really looking forwards to continuing into 2018- In January I plan to write a series of posts on anxiety and how that can impact upon your sex drive. Stay tuned to find out more 🙂

xx

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