When you think you are struggling with a low sex drive, all of your attention and focus tends to be on the times you don’t feel like having sex.
Which means you focus on whats going wrong, not whats right.
Tracking what turns you on, and what feels good, is a great place to start learning about what you like and your own patterns and trends with sex.
It can also help you take more control over your sex drive.
Emily Nagoski has an amazing tracker which I used to reflect on what turns me on- I can’t recommend it enough.
You can access it here.
I used it after every 2-3 times I’d had sex, and I realised so many things about myself and my likes, dislikes, and importantly, began to identify a pattern of times when I’d been more horny and less.
I learned that I’m more responsive than spontaneous (although there were times I’d initiated which I was really proud of myself for).
Interestingly, I was most turned on when wearing a piece of clothing (namely a top- cheeky!).
I also struggled to want sex if I was tired or didn’t feel there was enough time. Because most of my boyfriends initiation happened late at night in bed, these were not the best conditions for me to want to have sex in.
The more I used it, it had a cumulative effect as I was able to pick out more and more of what was good and what I liked.
I won’t give you examples, that’s TMI, but we’ve already started making changes based on what I’ve learned to improve our sex lives.
Many of these are around the times that he initiates (i.e. not late at night), and how long I need to get in the mood so adjusting our bed time and going to bed earlier to have time for sex AND a good nights sleep 😉
What have you learned about yourself from the tracker? I’d love to hear your experiences below.