Self-love isn’t a state of being- it’s a process

We’re often made to feel like self-love is this holy state of being.

Like, oh shit, I’m enlightened, I love myself, I feel fucking fantastic 110% of the time.

Maybe some people do.

But for me, I think that’s bollocks.

Because there’s some tough truths I’ve learned about self-love that no-one really tells you, but make the world of difference when you know…



  1. Self-love isn’t a state of being- it’s a process

Self-love isn’t a point in your life you reach where suddenly you become completely immune to self-doubt, insecurity and fear.

It doesn’t mean that you don’t fall down, feel crap, fail, or just feel lost.

It’s about the PROCESS of getting back up top again

It’s LEARNING how to love yourself.

The key is in learning– it’s the rituals and tools and coping mechanisms and skills you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and carry on again.

The skill of it all is in honing and repeating that process, and striving to love yourself everyday.

It’s really more about the journey than the destination.

It’s about the process, the pathway, to self-love. Rather than the goal.

Because, how long’s a piece of string? How do you know when you’ve reached “self-love”?

You’ll know when you’re getting close because when you fail- e.g. you don’t get the job you interviewed for, the scholarship you wanted, the guy you fancy, the perfect ending you hoped for- you don’t erode yourself in the process.

Instead, you pick yourself up, remind you of everything you’re great at in life, and keep on doing you.

It’s basically doing this for yourself, each and every time you feel bad, sad or shitty:

Image result for sushi roll sad person


So learning HOW to self-love, and keeping practising it over and over, is what is really the key.

Continuing to check the strength of your foundations, so that your house still stands.

Check out this Medium article on the process rather than the goal for more inspo.


2. Self- love is cumulative

The more you do it, the better at it you’ll become.

And the longer you do it for, the more you’ll see the effects.

So while one meditation or journalling session might not leave you feeling any better, but 5 might start taking the edge off.

The message is keep going.

Self-love is a long term, life overhauling, practise EVERYDAY type task.

The goal is to work out what it is that helps you love yourself, practise and build that process.

Then, you’ll be unstoppable.


3. You are the sum of the small decisions you make everyday

Look after the pennies and the pounds will save themselves.

It’s an oldie but a goodie.

And our lives are very much the same.

To live a great, fulfilling and abundant life, we need to look after the pennies, the minutes, and our day to day thoughts.

Because these are the foundation of our whole lives.

Image result for thoughts become habits

Your life is the sum total of the littlest decisions you make everyday.

So change that voice inside your head that talks you down, and work everyday to replace it with a more positive one.

Hard work- yes.

Worth it- FUCK YES!

Peace out.



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