Recently I’ve realised that writing is a little bit like sex.
Both are a space for expression- a chance to be creative, passionate, to find our own voice or way of being.
Typing and thrusting can have the same urgency, a desire to find the right word, the right touch or position, the best way to say or moan how we feel.
The same finish can also be stress-relieving and leave us feeling spent but satisfied- pushing the button to post and firing off our thoughts into the internet a little like a mind blowing expenditure in bed.
Lately I’ve been feeling a little like I’ve lost both my writing and my sexual mojo.
I arrive at my desk and my bed with the same tired, uninspired state of mind.
But then this morning I suddenly got my inspiration back, and it was sparked by an amazing tweet by @swingshiftkarin…..
I remembered that feeling- the sudden sparkle of being impassioned and fire up- and it suddenly hit me that it’s the same feeling when you want to have sex.
And maybe I could use tips to boost both sex and writing together!
So, using advice from my fellow bloggers that gave me advice a while back on what to do when you don’t feeling like posting or having sex, here’s how to get your writers and/or lovers mojo back…..
1. Just go for it and inspiration will spark.
Nike says “Just Do It”. Dori says “Just Keep Swimming”. The SmutLancer says “Write When You Can”.
All of the advice seems to be- just keep going. It’s the same as running through a stitch- get through the hard bit and it’ll get easier. You need to get over “writers block” and the only way through it is literally through it.
Now, the same advice can sometimes be said for sex. Because women’s sexual response system works sometimes differently to men, we might only actually want sex after we’re physically touched- meaning that just going for it (as long as you consent) might mean you really enjoy it in the end and it’s just what you need to get you going. Read more here on “just doing it” and making time for sex.
2. Other times you need to give yourself permission to step away.
It’s totally OK and normal to have fluctuations in your creativity and desire.
Our ability to “output” all the time is always impacted by things like stress, lack of sleep, medication, or just general life stuff.
Both writing and sex should be enjoyable processes, so if they’re causing you to feel stressed, or not enjoyable in anyway- just stop and recharge!
As Starcross @LoveLustLondon says- “Don’t worry about writing constantly. Taking a break is fine.”
This is where self-care comes in- particularly sexual self-care. Say no. It’s OK.
No-one should be forcing you to either shag or write.
And this might just be the perfect time to take the pressure off and give yourself time to build up desire rather than forcing it before you’re ready. This can lead to you feeling resentful of sitting at your desk or your partner trying to initiate sex.
Gain back control over the process by stepping away, looking after yourself, and coming back to it when you feel in tip-top shape again.
3. Seek inspiration from other places.
If you feel like you’re giving all the time- instead, take! Find inspiration from elsewhere and soak it up like a sponge.
You don’t need to radiate sex or be your own muse all the time- look for external sources that can get your creative and erm, sexual, juices flowing.
The Smut Lancer advises to use magazine articles as inspiration. Why not use sex blogger erotica to give you some ideas for the bedroom?
Increasing your ability to fantasise is the same as using your imagination- both essential ingredients in typing and shagging away. Read more about how to make time for fantasy and imagination here.
4. Conquer self-doubt and fear
Sometimes we don’t feel like expressing ourselves because we’re wracked with self-doubt about the way we look or write.
Know that most people experience this, and you aren’t alone:
@joannesreviews Absolutely, self doubt is the demon that haunts all writers……I have been blogging for three years now and I still have huge self doubt issues. It is very common but it’s important to realise that you are not alone. You are doing a great job, try to relax and enjoy what you do.
Instead, express yourself and don’t seek to be perfect (who is?). Embrace “imperfection”…. it’s more beautiful and that’s what makes you you!
@RomanticIsa: I am sure you find we all deal with self doubt. That’s what you get when you put yourself out there. None of us are perfect and behind every great blog post of mine are 10 that have be discarded in disgust.
And with sex, yes sometimes we’ll have slightly boring or less than fun sex- Tracey Cox says that “For every ten sex sessions, it’s likely four will be OK, four will be good, one will be fantastic and one boring or even disastrous”…. and it’s the same with blogs, but that’s OK!
5. Revisit the reasons why you’re doing what you’re doing.
You started this blog or were previously having sex for a reason. What was it?
To provide an outlet for your desires. To create. To have fun. To express yourself in a new way. For stress relief. For fun.
Revisit those reasons why- even write yourself a post-it note for your mission to remember what sparked your desire in the first place 🙂
Sensual Delights @DelightsSensual I have a moment of crushing self doubt at least every month where I wonder what on Earth I am doing. But then I remember that if it matters to me that’s all the motivation I need x x
Be Sexpositive @marisolpedeboy I started my vlog, and I often wonder if it’s worthy. But then I read a comment somewhere, or ear something, and I remember the value of what I do. Out there someone needs your words, more than you think!
6. Speak with loved ones and get reassurance
If all else fails, speak with your loved ones or your community and get your tribe to lift you up. That’s what mates are for, and we all feel a bit lost and uninspired from time to time.
They’ll get you through!
Scarlet Ladies @ScarletLadiesUK You are awesome.
7. Most importantly- just be you
You are unique. There is NO-ONE else like you. You are winning at being you. And we want to hear your voice. Probably lots of the world wants to have sex with you too.
Just remember that blogging is just like sex, and visa-versa…. it’s YOUR time and space to do what you want with. Be creative, don’t worry about what others are doing. As long as it feels good to you and doesn’t hurt others, just GO FOR IT GIRL!
@RomanticIsa: When I feel like that, I remind myself that my blog is first and foremost for me. I write something I enjoy. Or I just ramble or write about my self doubt. Your blog is YOUR space to do with as you please, don’t worry about what others think. FWIW I think you’re awesome.
@joannesreviews Absolutely, self doubt is the demon that haunts all writers. Be yourself and treat your blog like your own sounding board. It is your space to fill with your personality. Don’t try to conform to a perceived norm just write, enjoy and grow.