Why don’t we talk about having a low sex drive?

Today’s post is gloriously unashamed in it’s cheesiness.

And that’s ironic, because this blog is allll about shame.

My question to you is- why don’t we ever talk about having a low sex drive?

Where are all the people chatting it up about how they’re not feeling like bonking today?

Where are the Sex and the City stars gossiping over Martini’s about how they’d rather watch Kilroy reruns than have a shag?

Where are the plot lines, the stories unfolding, about people who literally don’t feel like fucking.

I’ll tell you. They’re bloody nowhere!

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There is a distinct silence wrapped around having a low libido in our society where it feels like EVERYONE but you wants (and is having) sex.

Why the silence?

I believe that it’s partly because, in an era of women’s sexual revolution, we’ve done such a great job showing women as sexual beings that not being one just seems…. well… a bit shit.

Now don’t get me wrong. Shows like Girls, SATC, Flea Bag and others have been epic at showing women actively enjoying shagging whomever and whenever they like.

We’re smashing the patriarchy to shit when it comes to slut shaming and breaking taboos all over the show about waffing and fanny galloping.

Female sex shops have sprung up like wildfire and made it to the high street. Tupperware parties have turned into dildo purchasing frenzies. And we’re loving the idea of the sexually empowered woman.

But, for those of us who have lost any desire TO have sex, we’re left feeling pretty isolated, frigid and empty that we don’t also fit this mold.

In fact, we feel so far from the idea of the “sexually empowered woman” that we might as well abandon all hope, don a bin bag and hope that long nightgowns and Kilroy come back into fashion.

That’s how exciting our bedtimes are.

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All joking aside. Well, slight joke/my reality aside,

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The moral of the story is, that shame stops us talking and encourages us to compare ourselves falsely against others. We spin ourselves stories of others success and our demise that keeps us locked in silence.

Fear also keeps us worried and isolated. What is wrong with me? Will I ever be fixed?  Will my friends judge me, or laugh, or also think I’m broken? Will my partner leave/cheat etc if I don’t get myself sorted?

It’s funny that infact, the best antidote to shame and fear is breaking the silence.

Do you speak out about having a low sex drive? I’d love to know how you’ve found it, or whether your experiences echo mine.




For more, check out the #Italksex campaign on Twitter run by the Scarlet Ladies

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  1. Nodding my head throughout all of this! I definitely keep my low libido somewhat hidden due to shame, especially as a sex blogger. I feel as though no one will want to read what I have to say, that there’s nothing exciting about a sex blog about not wanting sex lol You’re absolutely right, it needs talking about more. Maybe I’ll even find the courage to share my own experience of it x

    1. Haha it’s so true! A sex blogger blogging about not wanting sex is literally the opposite of what it should be. I for one would love to hear your story 🙂 and I think you’d inspire tons of other women xx

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