Esther Perel believes that what distinguishes humans from animals during sex is that humans have a capacity for eroticism. This is created through imagination.
So a decreased desire for sex could be linked to a decrease in the use of your imagination.
What is the link between imagination and desire?
Strangely, the word isn’t often used in related to adults. We generally only think of children as the ones with the wild, vivid imaginations.
As adults, we call them fantasies.
Fantasies help us build a sexual identity by allowing us to safely visualize and try out what we might like sexually in our own imagination, before we practise it for real.
Fantasies also fuel desire. They build up a sense of anticipation, tease and excitement before sex- which is often essential to us getting turned on.
However, the ability to fantasise is often crippled by modern life because of our smart phones and the easy access to pornography.
Nowadays, we often watch porn as a quick way to get horny. But when we do this, we’re spoon fed fantasy and in a way we’re blunted by this easy access to sexual stories. We don’t train our brains to fill in the gaps, so our imagination declines.
Because the brain is the most important organ to get you horny, a faded, unimaginative mind can spell disaster for our desire.
How to spark your imagination?
So to bring back imagination (especially when you’re a little rusty) involves practise.
Your imagination is like a muscle- you don’t use it, you lose it. But the more you imagine, the more your sexuality will move into the foreground of your life, prompting your mind to retrace those erotic neural pathways that have been long hidden.
There are a number of ways you can begin tapping back into a faded imagination, and several tools to help you do so:
Tip 1: Start with GIF’s.
GIFs are brilliant to watch and a perfect place to start to spark desire. These are short snippets in time of a porn scene- a lustful grab, a lick, a suck.
They plant the breadcrumbs of a fantasy, and then you can imagine around them- who they are, whats happened before, whats going to happen now, putting myself in their shoes.
Tip 2: read erotic fiction
Cultivate that desire baby, any way you can that doesn’t involve it being handed to you on a plate. Read this post on where you can find good erotica online (for free!).
Tip 3: Schedule in time to think about sex.
Not have sex- just to think about it. This post has some really practical ways that you can engage your imagination through thinking about sex, and is a really good place to start to improve your desire and knowledge of yourself and what you want.
Tip 4: Learn more about what your fantasies are.
For some of us, we don’t fantasise, or have any clue about what turns us on. And that’s OK! Now’s a fab time to begin.
Tip 5: Unleash your creative side.
Creativity has huge links to desire because it’s about expression and freedom. Cultivating this side of yourself (and the right side of your brain) can be really useful to help your sexuality flourish.
Tip 6: Find out your erotic blueprint
Your erotic blueprint is an amazing way to understand how you like to be turned on. If you have an energetic blueprint, you might find that imagination and anticipation are really important for you to be aroused. What’s my erotic blueprint!?
Tip 7: get a dick pic and imagine
Do you use your imagination often? How do you think imagination links to desire?