The pen is mightier than the dildo…

*This post is where I share my No1 tip to help your mind stop flagging so you can start shagging!*

I have good days and bad days with sex and how “into it” I am.

On a good day, I’m feeling hot hot hot.

I’m peachy keen jelly bean, wanting to get down and jiggy, enjoying the ride.

He’s kissing my neck, starting to undo my bra and I’m sooo into it.

Then suddenly… inspiration hits me.

I’ve got an idea for a blog post.

I’m in a creative flurry, etching the words into my brain as fast as I can, hoping to remember them after we’re done.

He’s starting to really heat things up as I’m busy mentally opening my laptop and logging onto wordpress, my fingers are primed and ready to type in my post that is definitely going to go viral this time….

But, wait.

The lovely sensation of his kisses on my skin are jostling for attention against the perfectly positioned blog paragraphs and carefully sculpted sentences of my imagination.

I’m torn.

He’s reaching for my trouser button and I’m on to paragraph 4 where I write that hilarious prose that everyone comments on.

I’m in the room. I’m out. I’m in and out, and he’s starting to go in and out. I’m fucked. And not just literally.

I’m distracted.

And sexual me has left the building.

It’s game over for sex, as I just can’t focus on the penis in front of me when my thoughts are backing up overhead.

Creativity is a damn curse!

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On a bad day, I’m the opposite.

Instead of wondrous ideas and inspired musings elbowing each other for space in my brain, I’m plagued by worried thoughts.

Work deadlines, the man in the cornershops next pay packet, or whether I was vigorous enough washing my vag that morning all crowd out the sensations of pleasure.

Basically, my sex drive just fizzles out because either I’m too wired or too worried  to stay in the room.

And when that happens, try as you might, EVEN if you were to give me the *most* amazing dildo in the world… I wouldn’t get turned on.

(Yes, eeeeven if it was diamante coated,a perfect replica of Idris Elba’s pert package, or chocolate flavoured, it’d be useless. Trust).

Because at that point in time, (according to Emily Nagoski), my foot is so far down on my sexual brake it’s on the floor.

And there’s no point pressing my sexual “accelerator” (e.g. chucking in a dildo for good measure) because I’ve floored myself so hard I’ve stopped.

(Basically, even my own brain is now cock-blocking me).

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Photo by Renda Eko Riyadi on Pexels.com

Instead, what Emily advises in desperate times such as these is that we work out what’s turning us OFF, rather than adding anything that turns us ON.

And that, friends, is where the notebook comes in.

This is one of the best (if incredibly unsexy) tips I’ve discovered to keep my sex life going.

Keep a notebook, or a post-it note next to your bed, along with a trusty pen.

And any time you have an ingenious (or worried) thought…

WRITE IT DOWN.

Yes guys, it IS a bit bloody weird to be part way through sex and pause to lean over and crazily scribble down the idea for your next novel or a reminder to ask the bloke in IT how his sick cat is.

But what WORKS is that it gets those thoughts out of your brain and onto the paper, leaving your mind free to enjoy sex rather than keep them jangling around our inside our heads.

It works similar to a CBT worry period (if you’ve ever experienced that) where you write down the thing that worries you and come back to it later.

Turn off the turn offs, so you can get turned on. Simples!

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Taking the turn off thought out of your brain and safely storing it on a piece of paper means you’ll retain your genius plan for world domination and/or keep that worry for a time when you’re not bonking to come back to.

And your mind can just focus on getting down and diiiirty.

Of course it requires a partner who can put up with this level of insanity, but I like to think they’d rather you had a nice time than be all up in your own head envisaging winning the nobel peace prize while they’ve got their face in your fanny.

Hopefully they’ll put up with a few scribbly interruptions to improve your bonking.

So, if I’ve got a hairbrained scheme that’s stopping me from shagging, or an email to respond to that’s barring me from banging, a notebook next to the bed is perfect.

My thoughts are nestled securely in their papery home, and I’ve got the green light for sex sex sex.

That’s why the pen is mightier than the dildo*.

*Sometimes 🙂

Love,

L

xx

P.S. if you found this article useful and you, like me, struggle to stay present, I’ve written loads more under the anxiety or staying present categories.

Happy doodling!

P.P.S the idea for this post came to me whilst having sex, obv. And if I didn’t write it down it’d be gone forever, and I’m sure you agree that’d be a damn shame. So do it folks, add a post it note and biro to your bag of sex toys, store it next to the lube and butt plugs, and you’ll never look back!

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