Throughout my LOOOONG search for a better sex drive, I have done a ton of research.
(I had nothing better to do, hey, since I wasn’t spending that time having sex- what’s a girl gonna do!)
From the hundreds of books, articles, podcasts, journals and experiences of others I’ve come across and spent hours unpicking, I found there are six main factors that close down our desire for sex.
These are your “sexual brakes” and they are as individual and as unique as we are. Women tend to experience more brakes than men for a variety of reasons we’ll go into below.
So take a read through all of the sections below to explore what’s impacting on your sex drive, and click each one for more information.
The 6 Factors That Close Down Desire:
“To remain interested, sex has to remain interesting”- Emily Nagoski
Dr Lori Brotto believes how we feel about our partner contributes more than anything else towards our levels of desire.
Experiencing a low mood or struggling with your emotional well-being can have a huge impact on your levels of desire. This includes factors such as stress, anxiety, depression, worries about body image and low self-esteem
Our physical health can have a huge impact on our levels of desire. Things like your hormones, sleep levels, food and nutrition, contraceptives, illnesses, or issues like penetration becoming painful can all close down desire.
Time is an issue for people even when they do want to have sex, but they’re just not finding the hours in the day. It links to stress and busyness, priorities, sleep, our perceptions of our time (which is tied to responsive desire) as well as sexual self-care.
*A quick note on the 6 factors…*
From my journey I learned that what causes your low sex drive initially isn’t what then ends up sustaining it.
For example, my sex drive dipped first because of stress (mindset and desire) but then I ended up in a horrendous cycle where sex had become such an issue in my relationship (sex and desire) that I lost all sense of my sexual self (sexual identity and desire) and turned into a source of conflict (relationships and desire).
So it’s really worth reading all of the sections (even if they don’t seem relevant straight away!) as they often overlap or are related in some way.