Throughout my LOOOONG search for a better sex drive, I have done a ton of research.
I had nothing better to do, hey, since I wasn’t spending that time having sex- what’s a girl gonna do!
From the hundreds of books, articles, podcasts, journals and experiences of others I’ve come across and spent hours unpicking, I found there are six main factors that close down our desire for sex.
Once I figured these out, it was a lightbulb moment, as I was then able to go on my merry way and figure out how to reduce the impact of each of them.
Frustratingly, you might find that what caused your low sex drive initially isn’t what then ends up sustains it. For example, my sex drive went because of stress but then I ended up in a horrendous cycle where sex had become such an issue in my relationship that I lost all sense of my sexual self and turned into a source of conflict.
So take a read through all of the sections below, or begin with those that most resonate, to find out more.
And if you’re not sure where to start or feel lost, try downloading this coaching toolkit that can help you explore the factors in your life that are closing down your desire and empower you towards your own path to sexual happiness.
1. Low mood/ emotional well-being
Experiencing a low mood or struggling with your emotional well-being can have a huge impact on your levels of desire. This includes factors such as:
- worries about body image
- a low self-esteem
2. Being disconnected from your sexuality
For many of us, losing our libido means completely losing touch with our sexual self or identity.
Our bodies might feel numb, our minds are dulled to the erotic. In this section you’ll understand why its so important to be sexually authentic and how to create a connection between your mind, body and sexuality to truely embody a sexually empowered woman.
Connecting to your sexuality includes understanding more about:
- taking responsibility for our own sexual pleasure
- knowing our turns ons (and offs!)
- being confident asking for what we want in bed (and what holds us back)
- waking up your body and mind to desire (including cultivating anticipation, imagination and sensuality)
- learning how to relax and ‘stay present’ during sex
3. Issues Within Your Relationship
Having a healthy, supportive and stable relationship is a key component for a luscious sex drive. In this section, you can learn more about why the following affect our sex lives so badly, and ideas on how to fix it!
Including looking at:
- unhelpful ideas about sex and relationships
- too little intimacy
- too much intimacy
- lack of attraction
4. Issues with the sex you are (or were) having
This is the most commonly overlooked reason for so many women. Because maybe it’s not a low sex drive at all- its just no desire for the sex you are (or were) having.
Read on for more information about how the quality of sex (now or in the past) can really impact on your levels of desire….
Including sections on:
- How to improve sex that just doesn’t feel that great
- How a mismatched libido can mean sex becomes associated with expectation, guilt, pressure and rejection
5. Physical health issues
Our physical health can have a huge impact on our levels of desire.
Whether its your hormones, food and nutrition, contraceptives, illnesses, or things like penetration becoming painful, check out this section for help and information on how you can improve your desire for sex.
6. Not Having Enough Time
Time is a thief of desire.
In our busy lives we’re often lacking in energy and the last thing we want to do at the end of a long day is have a shag. Sex becomes a chore rather than about pleasure.
Click here to find out why prioritising time for sex (and feeling sexy) is key to increasing desire.