We are proud of our approach towards female desire because we believe it sets us apart from so many other sites about increasing libido.
So, here’s who we are and the core values that guide us around sex, sexuality and desire…
About this site
Our story began with one woman’s search for a better sex drive.
Our founder (Laura) realised that there are very few resources for women experiencing low sexual desire available.
The most visible information that she did find was largely unhelpful. Much of it was either:
- medicalised (dysfunction disorders anyone?)
- simplistic (“because of stress”)
- odd (you’re not drinking enough sex coffee or eating enough brocolli)
- or felt kind of scary (see a sex therapist! Take a pink pill!).
Fewer still addressed why this issue is SO common for women.
The great stuff she did find was spread across numerous websites and in different corners of books, and there was nowhere that pulled together all the good work that is out there for women to easily access.
So, to remedy this- Desired State was created.
Desired State is the only platform dedicated solely to helping women connect to their sexual desire.
We want to highlight and signpost to the best women working in this field and shout about their work!
We also bust myths around desire, sex and female pleasure. This is important work to increase all women’s access to great sex and relationships with their sexuality.
Finally, this site aims to give you some direction. Losing your desire can be isolating, frightening, confusing. We don’t replace traditional sex therapy or coaching, but instead want to give women instant access to self-empowerment around their sexuality and help shorten the journey of any women who is looking to increase or reconnect to her desire.
Our Values and Philosophy
The first thing we want to come straight out with is that we believe that our sex drives ebb and flow in response to what’s going on in our lives
It is totally normal to not want sex– whether that’s temporary, or on a longer term basis.
Some women are asexual, demi-sexual, or just A-OK with having no or low desire- and there’s NO JUDGEMENT there from us!
We believe in women defining sexual pleasure and satisfaction on their own terms- and whether they’re having tons of sex (or none) their sexual satisfaction is all that matters.
It is also important to us to come from a FEMINIST PERSPECTIVE.
A lack of desire is often so medicalised and individualised that many women feel there’s something wrong with them if their libido vanishes.
That’s because most science around our libidos is based on an understanding of male bodies, and oppressive messaging/poor education about female sexuality has meant many women feel disconnected from their sexual power.
Over 40% of women experience a low libido during their lifetimes! We believe this is no coincidence, and that a low sex drive is more likely to happen to women because they are women.
Through this lens, women’s desire doesn’t just dip for no reason and a low sex drive doesn’t mean you are broken- in fact, it’s usually a very natural and normal response to what’s going on in their lives.
It also makes PERFECT sense when you look at the barriers and lack of understanding around female sexuality.
(Click here to read more about why taking this stance- and busting myths- on female desire is *so* important).
This isn’t to say that it doesn’t happen to men because it certainly does! In this aspect we aim to be INCLUSIVE. This site is aimed at self-identified women/womxn and is inclusive of members of the non-binary and transgender communities. However you identify, you are welcome here.
We also aim to challenge multiple forms of oppression that women experience- e.g. racism, sexism, ableism- and that intersect with their experiences and narratives that surround their own sexuality.
For example. we know that there is so much pressure EVERYWHERE to look a certain way to be sexy because of social beauty standards. So, we promise to do our best to make this an inclusive space. We’ll make every effort to represent all different body shapes, races, ages, abilities and much more!
We’ll try to avoid perpetuating traditional narratives of what is “traditionally sexy” (e.g. pictures of lacy lingerie) and leave it up to YOU what you find sexy.
This site will also ALWAYS have free content because we believe every woman deserves to have great sex.
And finally/most importantly, we take an EMPOWERING approach to sexuality. We believe that all women have the power to have lead a life that is pleasure filled, sexually empowered and sensually vibrant.
We recognise that some women may be seeking out a whole new relationship with her sex drive that she didn’t have before. Others might have found theirs perfectly satisfactory beforehand- they’re just going through a dry spell. You know best what you need.
In love and solidarity,
The Desired State Team