7. Relationship patterns and habits

Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all the time, made new. — Ursula K. Le Guin

Your relationship is like the house in which your sex drive lives, because our relationships and how we feel within them can have a huge impact on our desire.

So being in a relationship that feels safe, trusting, warm and close is crucial for your sex drive.

However, if we’ve been in a relationship for a while, especially one where one partner has a lower sex drive, unhelpful patterns and negative feelings can creep in that can dampen our desire. Some of them might have caused a low sex drive, and others caused BY a low sex drive.

Sometimes, it feels easier to work on and change ourselves rather than change our relationship, because it involves talking to the other person (eek!) and often making yourself vulnerable. The lines of communication then are also key, and issues like shame, embarrassment, rejection, neglect and isolation can all complicate the sex drive issue.

The relationship section is probably the biggest section of all of the five elements of a great sex drive, mainly because there is a lot to cover and particular issues that might need to be addressed. Work through gradually in the areas you find helpful, and I’d love to know what you think or any advice you have along the way.

Warmth and affection between partners is really important outside of the bedroom, as well as in it. Factors such as jealousy, anger, resentment, hurt  are often caused by a low sex drive as well as a cause of it. This often involves conflict resolution skills and working on the trust and communication within the relationship. Find out about how there might be differences between the way men and women view affection and sex in this section too.

This is about how physically attracted you feel to your partner. Always a tough one, but I’ve complied some of the best advice on t’internet if this is your relationship to help you rekindle the attraction together.

Having boring, stuck in a rut sex is a sure fire way to kill a sex drive. So how’s yours going- do you always have sex in the same place/position/process? E.g. from naked, in bed, at the end of the day etc. When was the last time you tried anything different? Importantly, do you like who you are in the bedroom?

Losing control of your sex life and getting stuck into a “he/she initiates I reject/give in” cycle is tough. Find out how to slip out of this pattern and take back control of your sex drive.

This section is as simple as- if sex doesn’t feel amazing, why would you want to have it? Learn more about about where you can find out about sex and pleasure, and take you and your partner on a journey into the best sex of your lives!

Have a read through each section in turn (or whichever ones apply to you) to find out more.

Love love,



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