*note: this page refers to increasing sex education and encouraging pleasure between partners, and assumes that other areas of your relationship are OK. If you need further support in other areas, it’s worth checking out the relationships section alongside the below advice.
I’ve heard it said that “female viagra is male sexual education”.
Although this seems a bit harsh, there are so many myths and misunderstandings about women’s sexuality that it is often good for our partners to revisit (or learn for the first time!!) what women want.
For us to want sex, it needs to feel good.
If it hurts, feels uncomfortable, generally doesn’t feel good or is a source of stress/worry for you, that’s a VERY good reason as to why you don’t want it.
But it’s amazing how many people don’t understand this, because the internet is jampacked with crappy advice for women with a low libido along the lines of “just do it” or “schedule it in and keep going”.
Hear me when I say this is TERRIBLE advice because more bad or stressful sex is going to encourage a cycle of low desire.
The aim is that we don’t want to have MORE bad sex.
We want good quality over quantity.
And as long as everything else is in balance and there’s nothing else impacting on your desire, it therefore makes sense that if you make sex better…. you’ll want it more.
That way sex will fulfill so many more things for you- from stress relief to getting closer to your partner to plain old having a wicked time!
However, although it’s likely that you’ve learned loads and are starting to know your own body and mind, your partner might need to be brought up to scratch….
Just as we’re not taught about female sexuality and how to pleasure ourselves, neither are our partners!
And the poor buggers are likely just as in the dark as some of us are about how to initiate or have great sex. It’s just not widely known!
So, part of the journey will likely be to let your partner(s) know how to pleasure you too.
How to educate your partner?
Firstly, direct them to everything you’ve found out.
Ideally, ask them to read Emily Nagoski’s “Come as You Are” for wider information on women and their sex drive- I’m sure it’ll be an eye opener for them!
A must read is the section on erotic blueprints so they can understand how to approach and initiate sex with you in the most effective and seductive way possible.
Then, know what turns you on.
Once you’ve got a really solid understanding of what it is you want and don’t want, like and don’t like, you’ll be able to be really clear with your partner about what they need to do to turn you on.
This is really important- speak your mind. Tell them when they’re not doing it right, or when it feels great! What on earth is the point of not? It’s time to re-educate your partner to mould them into what you want and need from a sexual relationship.
Finally, direct them to the partners section of the website (coming soon) where they can find out more information about the best way to support a partner with a low sex drive.