Learning how (and making time to) feel sexy

For many of us, when our libido blows out we’re left feeling faded, numb, empty, and often- unsexy.

So it makes sense that getting your desire back is often about working out what makes you feel sexy, then spending time cultivating it.

Read on for the mega list of everything I got up to to help me gain “sexual healing” (Marvin Gaye would be so proud).

pexels-photo-838787.jpeg

But quickly first: what’s the link between feeling sexy and having a good sex drive?

In this great article about “getting your sexy back”, psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D., says:

“One of the main reasons I’ve found that women don’t want to have sex is that they don’t feel as sexy as they used to,”. Unfortunately, feeling sexy isn’t something you can just conjure up at a moment’s notice. “Women have to transition between the mother who’s taking care of everything to the seductive wife, and that doesn’t happen in an instant,” Haltzman says. “It takes work.”

Feeling sexy is , according to some, what makes us desire sex.

So it makes sense then that if your libido has been blown out, so too have your feelings of being sexy.

Defining “sexiness”

I firmly believe that every woman needs to come up with her own definition of sexiness and what that means to her.

However, it seems universally accepted that sexiness as a feeling or an outlook is not just about the body, or looks.

Many people say that “sexiness” is the same as confidence.

Its seen as a feeling that you have about yourself that you let shine out to others.

It’s a way of “being”, not something you can buy or fake or win.

 So why has our sexiness been dialled down?

For me, I don’t take time to practise feeling it.

I assume it’s “just not me”, it’s not part of my identity.

NEVER taking any time to think about how I can bring that part of me to the surface.

We can be afraid of being sexy. We’re taught that it’s shameful. Too powerful.

We’re taught we can buy sexy. It’s an industry, owned by diet places, women’s mags, fake tanning salons and the pornography industry.

But the truth is, we can ALL be sexy. We can ALL feel comfortable and confident in our own skin.

Usually, it’s just taking the time and the energy to explore that side of ourselves and ensuring we continue to tap into it, even when life gets busy.

Related image

So, how to find out what makes YOU feel sexy?

Also, that reads you.

Not society.

Not your partner.

YOU.

Here’s what I did…..

  1. Begin with what doesn’t make you feel sexy.
  2. Practise sexual self-care- it’s JUST as important as looking after yourself physically and emotionally. This could be as simple as finding time to paint your nails, put matching underwear on or washing your hair, as practical as writing a to-do list, or as sensual as giving each other a massage. Ensure you take the time to do this EVERY WEEK!
  3. Find yourself a sexual role model. A sexual role model is someone who you look up to and can channel their daily sexy super power into yours. Sounds stupid right!? Trust me, it’s helpful. Mine is Dita von Teese.
  4. Wake up your vagina- do you touch yourself? Do you feel connected to your fanwa? I definitely didn’t- the only time I ever saw it was in the shower or on the loo. A huge step is waking up your vagina and feeling “at one” with her. It’s new age but it’s fabbo! (coming soon)
  5. Music (coming soon)
  6. Have a rummage through your underwear draw and chuck out what makes you feel rubbish!
  7. Belly dance (coming soon)
  8. Burlesque (coming soon)
  9. Sex classes (coming soon)
  10. The Scarlet Ladies social (coming soon)
  11. Orgasmic manifestation  (coming soon)
  12. Tantra  (coming soon)
  13. Pole dancing  (coming soon)
  14. Acting  (coming soon)
  15. Aphrodisiacs  (coming soon)
  16. Life drawing  (coming soon)
  17. Boudoir shoot  (coming soon)

I hope you’ve found these tips helpful on feeling sexy. Everyone is SO different so this really is a very personal journey. What have you got up to to try and feel sexier?

Part of my journey into feeling sexier also meant I started becoming much more aware (with a little help from some friends) about what things turned me on.  Knowing this is a HUGE piece of the puzzle because it then gives you the power to know what you’re asking for and how to teach others how to play you!

Here’s my experience in *how* I found this out (read: at the beginning I had no idea) in this post.

Love love,

L

xx

Leave a Reply

Sexponential
%d bloggers like this: