1. How to discover (or rekindle) your sexual identity

This is where it all started for me too, so welcome!

Often, because our sex education classes at school didn’t focus on our sexual pleasure (or anything in detail about how desire and arousal work), and because our society has shamed and marginalised (if not completely ignored) women’s sexual pleasure throughout history, many of us are completely in the dark about how our bodies work or how to enjoy sex.

So, our actual understanding of our sexuality and our bodies may be fairly limited. (I mean, mine was frankly atrocious!).

Perhaps there was a time when you *did* feel in touch with your desires, but as you’ve got older the different roles you’ve played (mum, wife, colleague, manager, carer…) have all jostled for space and the sexual wild woman you once were has had to take a backseat.

Or, maybe (like me) you realised that actually you never really knew about pleasure, or felt ashamed or embarrassed to ask for what you want.

Perhaps you don’t even know what you want, or you feel you’re often a passive partner and sex is done to you rather than with you.

Whether you’ve lost your sexual identity, or you never connected with her in the first place, this section is for you.

And- you’re in for a treat.

It’s time to get a shiny, brand spanking new (and fun and interesting!) masterclass in sex education.

But not just any sex ed.

A FEMINIST sex ed. 


Cue the excited and intrigued oooing and ahhhing.

That’s right- you are most likely in need of a feminist sex ed, because that incorporates knowledge about desire, sexual response systems, pleasure and gender roles to help you understand more about your sex drive.

There are some tantalising resources on the menu for today ladies.

Below are some of the posts and resources I’ve compiled about HOW to begin this journey of sexploration- right from basics (e.g. how to even know what turns you on) through to understanding more about your body and sex drive, to finally being able to express your desires and wishes at the end.

Feel free to dip in and dip out to whatever’s useful to you- after all, it’s your journey…..

Don’t just lie back and think of England.... take responsibility for your pleasure: Women have been socialised to be passive during sex. How can you change this and begin a journey towards sexual empowerment, knowing what you want and instructing others?

Understanding how your sex drive works- if you don’t know this, how will you ever learn how to get it back?

Making time to feel sexy Often time to spend on yourself and feeling good is crowded out by other priorities. However, finding time to feel sexy often involves the absense of certain things rather than the presence of othersClick through to find out why writing an “unsexy” list could be key to increasing your desire.

Knowing what turns you on this is essential reading for anyone keen on being able to have GREAT sex but not having a fig on what even gets them hot under the collar.

Making time for fantasy and imagination- Esther Perel states; “the crisis of desire is often a crisis of the imagination”. Do you agree? Find out some tips and tricks to incorporate imagination and fantasy into your every day life which will help cultivate your sexual identity, bring sex into your life in a healthy way, and boost your sex drive.

Asking for what you want– the final chapter in the three most important keys to taking responsibility for your own sexuality

I’d love to know how you’re getting on? Drop me a comment below or an email: hellosexponential@gmail.com

Love love,



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