The idea of being “present” feels like a new one, but in fact, the importance of staying in and enjoying the here and now (rather than fretting about the future or being stuck in the past) is a concept rooted in Eastern philosophy and teachings.
Sex is a time where our senses are the most engaged. We’re experiencing heightened sensitivity, pleasure, endorphins, connection.
So if you can’t get focussed, stay present, feel sensual, and enjoy sex ultimately the sensations can’t reach their peak.
It can feel horrible when your body is in the room but your mind is spiralling out of control. And it’s a definite way to dampen desire.
There are many reasons why some people can’t stay present and keep their mind on the task at hand. Some are to do with fear of vulnerability, anxiety, stress, or having lost touch with our sensual selves.
Check out the two sections within the “staying present” category to find out more information and useful ideas of how to manage and stay present:
It’s easy for your mind to wander and daydream, but it’s worth considering if this is impacting on your enjoyment of sex. Are you able to stay present during sex (e.g. not thinking of shopping lists, your bum jiggling or work tomorrow?). Can you relax into sex, and not panic or criticise yourself or your body? Can you let yourself be vulnerable during sex and foreplay, e.g. enjoy the moment and get lost in the pleasure?
Not enough of us taking time to cultivate sensuality in our lives, and sex is sensuality. So do you take time to savour your food, enjoy music, light candles, kick autumn leaves? Or are you busy, living life at 100mph? This is around how in touch you feel with your body, and how much you reside in your mind.
Have a read through each section in turn (or whichever ones apply to you) to find out more.
P.S. How are you finding things so far? Useful? Far-fetched? Ideas for improvement? Answers on a postcard or in the comment section below most appreciated.
If you’ve finished the section on “Being Present”, you could always move on to the Lifestyle Patterns and Habits section of the blog.