There is a really rather large open secret to improving your sex drive that I’ve learned since embarking on a journey to re-find my own.
And once you know it, it’s really rather simple…
*Puts on sandwich board and loudhailer, prepares to walk around screaming this from top of lungs for the benefit of all women around the world*
It’s not really about turning on your sex drive at all.
Rather, it’s about turning off what turns it off.*
Learning about yourself and what things impact on your desire to have sex, as well as how to counter them, is the best defence you have against a low sex drive.
*from the teachings of the great Emily Nagoski
What I’ve learned:
Through experiencing a complete lack of libido, and then beginning to find it again, I’ve realised that our sex drives are fluid.
So it’s common and normal to have waves of higher and lower levels of desire throughout our lives, depending on what’s happening for us at the time, or on the night.
Let’s say that again.
But, the more knowledge you can gain about what turns you off, the quicker you can turn you back on.
The golden rules of a great sex drive
1. Sex needs to be pleasurable, relaxing, exciting and/or stress-relieving for us to desire it.
2. If we don’t feel close to our partners, it hurts, feels uncomfortable, doesn’t feel good or is a source of stress/worry for you, that’s a VERY good reason as to why you don’t want it.
3. Ignore ANY advice that tells you to add sex to your to-do list or “just do it” (aka Duty Sex), because more bad or stressful sex is going to encourage a cycle of low desire.
4. Sex should never be something we add to a to-do list, feel obliged or duty obligated to do if we don’t feel like it.
We’d never add kissing our partner to a to-do list, so why do we do this with sex?
5. We CAN reignite desire through looking at whats impacting on it, cultivating our ability to work out what’s turning us off, and increase the things that turn us on.
So, there we go friends- there is hope, and you aren’t alone.
Reject duty sex- it’s shit.
Join the community- you’re here, we’re listening.
And spark your desire girl!
I’d recommend beginning here to follow my journey to find my sex drive.
Aren’t you glad you’ve arrived?
Note: I am not a doctor, sexual health professional or therapist so please consult an expert before undertaking the guidance on this blog. Cheers!