Pleasure and educating our partners

so this is rarely ever talked about when we look at low sex drives, but actually, getting your partner better at sex is going to benefit you both. So swallow that pride and get yourselves understood and equipped for sex. The better the sex the more you’ll want it is the mantra right!?

We never blame our partners for our lack of sex drive. We don’t want to offend the menz. But why is it always our responsibility to “get better”?

I’ve heard it said that “female viagra is male sexual education”.

Although this seems a bit harsh, there are so many myths and misunderstandings about women’s sexuality that it is often good for our partners to revisit (or learn for the first time!!) what women want.

For us to want sex, it needs to feel good.


If it hurts, feels uncomfortable, generally doesn’t feel good or is a source of stress/worry for you, that’s a VERY good reason as to why you don’t want it.

But it’s amazing how many people don’t understand this, because the internet is jampacked with crappy advice for women with a low libido along the lines of “just do it” or “schedule it in and keep going”.

I thought this was good advice when I first heard it, however the more I carry on my journey I realise….

This is TERRIBLE advice because more bad or stressful sex is going to encourage a cycle of low desire.

The aim is that we don’t want to have MORE bad sex.

We want good quality over quantity.

And as long as everything else is in balance and there’s nothing else impacting on your desire, it therefore makes sense that if you make sex better…. you’ll want it more.

That way sex will fulfill so many more things for you- from stress relief to getting closer to your partner to plain old having a wicked time!

One thing i found on my journey was that as I was becoming more aware of my sexuality and what feels good, I became more frustrated with my partner (for not touching me right) and myself (for not explaining it more/better). BUT this made me feel great- I was on the right lines 🙂

So I realised that a big part of my journey would not only be my re-education, but also my partners….

Just as we’re not taught about female sexuality and how to pleasure ourselves, neither are our partners!

And the poor buggers are likely just as in the dark as some of us are about how to initiate or have great sex. It’s just not widely known! So, although this section is a work in progress, here’s how I’m doing so far….

How to educate your partner?

  1. I got him to read what I read 

So far he has read the section on erotic blueprints. This sparked such a great conversation about how to approach and initiate sex with me in the most effective and seductive way possible. He’s already taken on board so much!

2. Next, communicate.

Although I’m really still not good at doing this, I’ve started trying to be more sexually assertive and telling him when he’s not doing it right, or when it feels great! What on earth is the point of not?

Any ideas on how to re-educate Rita (aka my boyfriend)??




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