How to ask for what you want in bed

Picture this.

You’re a passenger in a car and your partner is at the wheel.

You’re trying to get to a destination in a new town.

He/she is a fairly good driver but doesn’t know the area, and you have the map and directions on how to get there but don’t have the wheel.

Do you….

a) tell your partner clearly and calmly the directions so you get there pleasantly and in plenty of time?

b) wait until he/she has gone the wrong way and then correct them by violently grabbing the wheel?

c) sit there silently for the whole drive, hide the map from your partner, not end up at the desintation and drive around until you’re both fed up, he/she drives you to a McDonalds that they know nearby and then you both head home?

OK, so stupid example, but you can see that the scenario that makes the most sense is A. Because if we’ve got the map, then telling the partner whose driving where to go is key.


It’s the same (sort of) with sex.

Most partners know how to drive (some, well, don’t get me started- we’ll deal with that later).

But many don’t know the directions when they’re in a new place. Or, the road has changed so they need new directions to help them get to the old place.

So if we’re holding the map and know the way to go, making sex better is going to mean letting them know whether to turn left, right, twist harder, faster, longer…. you get the drift.

If you work out what turns you on, what gives you pleasure, what you want in bed, then the smart thing is to let your partner know. Although, I know that’s harder said than done.

There are tons of reasons why women might not want to speak out and let their partners know what they want….. fear of judgement, shame, embarrassment, perhaps not knowing what they want. They might not even have a map to their own pleasure so can’t tell their partner even if they wanted to.

I was SO bad at this. Still am in some ways. But I’m learning, and I’ll get there. And so will you 🙂

So, the first step is knowing what turns you on and what you want.

If you don’t know this first, how can you tell anyone what you like?


The next step is understanding what’s holding you back from speaking out.


The third is learning how to speak dirty (for awkward girls, like me)- here’s my guide.

Then, you can begin putting this into practise, if you’re ready.

I’d also recommend checking out this article from the Metro which has some great tips on talking dirty for beginnings, and this AMAZING video guide from Irene Fehr on How to Give Your Partner Feedback in Bed.

Also, how are you getting on so far? Liking the content? Let me know below.



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