They say “wellness is the root of all great sexual activity“.
Actually- who am I kidding- no-one’s ever said that before. But, that’s what I believe.
Based on what I’ve learned over the last two years of re-educating myself around sex and my body, I realised the extent to which anxiety, stress, worry, pressure, shame and lack of body confidence were impacting on my libido.
This is because feelings of worry are evolutionary wired to close down any desire you have for sex.
Learning more about how the above things impacted on my sex drive, and how to improve them, has had a drastic impact on my desire.
Many people say that your sex drive is like a barometer for your general wellbeing.
Because, a drop in libido isn’t random. It’s a message from your vagina, head and heart indicating that something isn’t right.
Quite often, that’s around our mental and emotional wellbeing.
When I experienced a lengthy dip in desire, everything pointed to how busy, tired and stressed I felt.
I felt faded , frayed, numb.
Sex was LITERALLY the LAST thing on my list.
Taking priority over it was sleep, a hot bath, spending time with friends, having a hug, going on holiday, watching paint dry….. (basically everything else, ever, in life).
Ultimately, I realised that I was carrying a HUGE weight on my shoulders (mainly because I was ridic busy and living life at 100mph without prioritising what I needed).
And all this weight meant that I just felt empty, exhausted, and had lost all motivation to bonk.
Then I read this quote:
And realised that no- you can’t pour from an empty cup.
And my sexual cup was completely bone dry- I was not pouring anyone any blow jobs anytime soon unless I filled myself up.
And not with sperm- what a dirty mind you have- but with nice things like love, joy, laughter and all that jazz. (Not jizz).
That’s because your sexual energy is like a life force.
It’s vibrant, beautiful, burning- it’s what gets you out of bed, fosters creativity, drive and passion.
Without it, life and you can feel empty.
To keep it lit, you need to ensure that you’re looking after yourself first and foremost. There are some main culprits that impact on our mood/wellbeing to watch out for. These are:
They can all have a nasty impact on our desire and make it plummet quicker than a cold pudding.
*So, click the links above to find out more about how I filled my own cup back up to the top by focussing on these three factors*
How about you- does your mental health impact on your level of desire? What do you do to “top yourself up”?
If you’re interested here’s a great article in the Metro which talks more about mental health generally and how it prevents some couples from having sex– an issue we rarely ever talk about.
P.S. if you found this section on your emotional health useful, you might want to also visit the sections on physical health to find out more about other linked issues that could be impacting on your sex drive.