Feeling disconnected from your sexuality

Sometimes, a MAJOR reason behind a low sex drive is experiencing a disconnect from our sexual selves.

Our sexuality is much more than just who we’re attracted to

It also involves how we connect to and express ourselves sexually. And often with a lack of desire comes a sense of forgetting who we are in bed, the joy and pleasure of making love, and our minds and bodies become numb to our own sexual energy.

For many women, they’ve never had the opportunity to embrace or explore this aspect of their identities.

Poor sex education coupled with damaging messages about women’s sexuality can leave us unsure about what we want in bed, too ashamed to ask, or too shy or unequipped to focus on our own pleasure.

For others, maybe years of being in the same relationship doing the same things in bed has meant we’re bored, under-stimulated, lazy. Sex has lost its excitement, and we’ve lost touch with our naughty side.

If this sounds like you, the cure is to reconnect with your sexual self.

Part of this involves seeking out a whole new sexual education for yourself .

One that’s accurate, exciting, woman-centred, fulfilling and based on how to seek pleasure. One that connects up body, mind and spirit to help you experience the joy and magic of sex again. Or maybe even for the first time!

And there are some seriously AMAZING resources out there to help you do this, both in the resources section and on the blog

Below are five ways to empower you to (re)connect to your own sexuality, whether you’re taking the first steps to explore this side of yourself or whether its a case of setting yourself free and re-awakening yourself to desire.

The simple truth is that we’re not taught about sex PROPERLY.

Our sex education often lacks exploration and information around pleasure.

And this impacts massively on desire, especially for us women, because we’re often under the illusion that desire is activated by our partners.

If we’re not aware of how we work, or we wait for a partner to show us, we’re missing out on great sex!

And if sex doesn’t feel good, we’re less likely to want to partake in it.

So click below to find resources, tips and tools to help you get behind the wheel of your own sex drive.

The secret to improving your sex drive (spoiler alert!) is knowing what turns you off.

The more you know about what’s closing down your desire, the quicker you can start eliminating these factors from your life.

There are six main factors that block desire, however there might be some more specific turn offs that you can identify – and this section is a great place to start.

So click below to find out the best way to get started figuring out what’s not floating your boat. 

Maybe you’re really aware of what turns you on, and you just need more of it!

But sometimes, if you’re really starting from scratch with this, you might never have had the opportunity to know what turns you on!

Or, never dedicated the time or space to really thinking about it.

Or, maybe your taste has changed over time and now you’re unsure of what you want or want to explore different avenues. 

So, this section is essential reading for anyone keen on having GREAT sex but not having a fig on what even gets them hot under the collar.

Click below for unique tip, tricks and tools for help to identify the things that bring you sexual pleasure, including knowing what kind of environment you need to relax into sex.

Once you’ve worked out the above (or even a teency bit of what you like) it ain’t gonna do any good if you aren’t able to tell anyone else what you like!

Telling a partner where we like to be touched or about our fantasies can, however, be easier said than done. If you’re shy, embarassed or just have no idea how to start, explore this section for ideas and advice on asking for what feels good in bed.

When you’re a bit rusty at sex, it’s really easy to forget what feeling sexual or “sexy” feels like- it might even be quite an intimidating (or even hilarious) thought to re-discover that aspect of your identity! 

Or perhaps, you’ve never really tapped into that sexual side of yourself. You’ve been too ashamed, afraid, unsure.

Either way, connecting to your sexual self (and ensuring a mind body connection with sex) is a really important part of owning your sexuality (and therefore your sex drive).

Men have a penis that flaps around in the breeze- they are reminded of their sexuality every time they get a hard on, shift sides, scratch an itch or readjust. This is called “bio-feedback”.

But because women don’t have this physical reminder, it’s harder for us to feel we’re fully connected to our own sexuality. And often, as Lori Brotto in her “Sex and Mindfulness” book (affiliate link) explains, our bodies may become numb to sexual arousal triggers because we’re so used to being lost in our thoughts or not used to seeing our bodies in a sexual way.

So ladies, sometimes we have to kick start this process ourselves. And that’s about waking up both our bodies and our minds to sex.

So the aim in this section is to connect back to these aspects of eroticism and bring your sexuality back to life.

I believe this has three (equally important) parts:

1. Waking up your mind to desire:

We’re likely caught up in the future of our lives- planning, organising, being all logical and fantastic. And we forget to just spend time being wild, free, creative, passionate- which are the ingredients required for great sex.

Click on this section for practical tips and advice on how you can spark your sexual imagination.

2. Waking up your body to sexuality:

This is about connecting with your body (in a way you may never have done before) so that you see yourself in a sexual way.

It involves learning how to use your body to communicate, paying attention to sensations and sexual triggers, getting back in touch with your senses and slowing things down to ignite desire from within.

3. Learning how to stay present:

If you struggle to relax, can’t stop worrying, or just cannot surrender into sex and pleasure, this section is for you. There are tons of amazing ways that you can learn to “just be” during sex- and remember how great it feels when you give it your full attention.

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