If you’re feeling disconnected from yourself and your sexuality, you’re in the right place.
As women, we’re not often taught to really embrace our sexual selves.
Throughout the ages ideas of female sexuality, power and pleasure have been disregarded, hidden- even feared- by society.
And even now, the most powerful sexually expressive and parts of ourselves- our breasts, hips, vulvas, thighs and asses- are the focus of gossip columns, online hate, unwanted touch, even corrective surgery.
So it’s no wonder that many women want to make themselves feel smaller, dim their sexual energy, and shy awake from feeling like they fully inhabit their bodies, minds, and sexual power.
To combat this, I’ve come up with a programme that I call “the art of sexual self-empowerment”.
Sexual empowerment IS an art because because at its core is creativity- its the ultimate expression of what makes you YOU. It’s also beautiful, a skill, and a revolutionary act to own your sexual power.
So hold on tight for your four step guide to discovering your sexuality….
1. Learn how to take responsibility for your own sexual pleasure
A big part of this involves seeking out a whole new sexual education for yourself .
One that’s accurate, exciting, woman-centred, fulfilling and based on how to seek pleasure. One that connects up body, mind and spirit to help you experience the joy and magic of sex again. Or maybe even for the first time! Begin with this article “Don’t just lie back and think of England- take control of your sexual pleasure” for some great tips and resources to begin this journey.
Then consider these ways in which you’re giving up sexual power– do you recognise any that you might do?
2. Find out what turns you off, and on!
The secret to improving your sex drive (spoiler alert!) is knowing what turns you off.
The more you know about what’s closing down your desire, the quicker you can start eliminating these factors from your life.
There are six main factors that block desire – and this section is a great place to start identifying what yours are. A great place to start is also the “Unsexy List” available in the Free Downloads– sometimes it’s easier beginning with what we don’t like rather than what we do!
Equally important as knowing what turns you off is what turns you on, known as your “sexual accelerators”. Knowing what you fancy helps you identify what things give you pleasure, which is crucial to having great sex!
If you’re a complete beginner (like I was!) start here: “How to find out what turns you on, when you have no clue where to start…”.
Also check out my “Ultimate Guide For The Totally Clueless to Knowing What You Want In Bed”- that really does start with the basics on how to begin knowing what you want!
3. Figure out how to ask for what you want
I found the best question to start with is- what’s holding you back from speaking out in bed? Knowing what you find difficult/embarassing/a barrier to being able to express yourself sexually is the first step.
Then check out this post: Asking for what you want (an awkward girls guide to dirty talk) for tips on being sexually assertive in bed- especially written for if you’re an awkward person like me!
4. Wake up your body and mind to desire
When you’re a bit rusty at sex, it’s really easy to forget what feeling sexual or “sexy” feels like- it might even be quite an intimidating (or even hilarious) thought to re-discover that aspect of your identity!
Or perhaps, you’ve never really tapped into that sexual side of yourself. You’ve been too ashamed, afraid, unsure.
Either way, connecting to your sexual self (and ensuring a mind body connection with sex) is a really important part of owning your sexuality (and therefore your sex drive).
So ladies, sometimes we have to kick start this process ourselves. And that’s about waking up both our bodies and our minds to sex.
So the aim in this section is to connect back to these aspects of eroticism and bring your sexuality back to life.
This has two parts:
Waking up our minds is abut rewiring them to think about sex differently. To bring back the excitement, intrigue and tease of sex.
To do this I’ve experimented with a number of ways that might help you too! This post is dedicated to ALL of the ways that you can spark desire in your mind to get you started.
This is about connecting with your body (in a way you may never have done before) so that you see yourself in a sexual way.
It involves learning how to use your body to communicate, paying attention to sensations and sexual triggers, getting back in touch with your senses and slowing things down to ignite desire from within.
This post has ideas about how to reconnect with your body to feel sexually alive again.