Building a community, How to discover (or rekindle) your sexual identity

Don’t just lie back and think of England…. take responsibility for your pleasure

I don’t know about you, but my sex education in school was terrible! Pleasure was NOT a word that ever passed the lips and wet moustache of my terrifying science teacher. He just wheeled out an old 80s TV on legs and showed us a video of a woman having a baby. My saucer-eyed class… Read More Don’t just lie back and think of England…. take responsibility for your pleasure

How to discover (or rekindle) your sexual identity, Making time for fantasy and imagination

Can reading erotica help you get a better sex drive?

When I first realized my sex drive was nowhere to be found, I scoured the internet for a solution. A common piece of advice given by both dodgy websites and well-known sex therapists is to schedule in sex. Book it in, they said. It’ll be great, they said. Yes, we know it doesn’t sound the… Read More Can reading erotica help you get a better sex drive?

How to discover (or rekindle) your sexual identity, Understanding how your sex drive works

The three biggest myths about sex that could be killing your sex drive

Not surprisingly, our desire for sex is influenced by the quality of the actual sex we’re having (or, in this case, not having.) And if we believe certain myths about sex, any bonking we’re doing might be overshadowed by unrealistic expectations of what we should be doing or how sex should be. Many of these… Read More The three biggest myths about sex that could be killing your sex drive

How to discover (or rekindle) your sexual identity, Understanding how your sex drive works

The five thieves of desire

If you’ve been following this blog for a while you’ll know that I’ve experienced issues with my sex drive for nearly three years now. The problem is mainly, being young (31!) but not ever really wanting or feeling bothered about sex. Lacking desire feels like you’ve lost that spark that makes you human. It’s tough,… Read More The five thieves of desire

How to discover (or rekindle) your sexual identity, How to reduce stress/fix a busy life and re-prioritize sex, Making time to feel sexy

Why writing an “unsexy” list is the smart secret to feeling sexy!

When I first started out researching my flagging sex drive, I spent HOURS trying to work out “how to feel sexy”. I was tits deep in Cosmo, Red, Elite Daily and Bustle trying to figure out just what other women do to feel sexy. I kept wondering blankly- what makes me feel sexy? And all… Read More Why writing an “unsexy” list is the smart secret to feeling sexy!

How to discover (or rekindle) your sexual identity, Understanding how your sex drive works

What drives us to actually WANT to have sex?

HAVE YOU EVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT? Because when you really don’t fancy having it, and you feel like an alien human species being the only one who doesn’t seem to understand what all the fuss is about (or feeling sad because you do but you can’t work out why you don’t want to), it’s useful to… Read More What drives us to actually WANT to have sex?

How to discover (or rekindle) your sexual identity, Understanding how your sex drive works

What does it mean to be “aroused”?

So, this blog post is on arousal. You might know by now that desire for sex may come *after* arousal for some women (if you didn’t know this, read here). Therefore, knowing what arousal is, and the physical sensations and changes that happen to our bodies, is crucial for understanding more about our sex drives.… Read More What does it mean to be “aroused”?

How to discover (or rekindle) your sexual identity, Knowing what turns you on, Understanding how your sex drive works

The two origins of desire.

The amazing blogger our kinky adventures wrote about the idea that there are two types of sex drive (emotional and physical) on another post under #sexdrivestories recently. After reading it, it hit me that my libido also works in two ways beyond what she has described. And I couldn’t help but wonder where does desire come… Read More The two origins of desire.

How to discover (or rekindle) your sexual identity, Random, Understanding how your sex drive works

Six tips to get turned on if you’re a “slow burner”…

Many women (about 70%) have a more “slow burn” approach to having sex. I’ve written a whole post about it here, but in a nutshell if that’s you, you might find that quite often you lack the desire to have sex until after you’ve been warmed up a bit through kissing, touching and foreplay. And that’s… Read More Six tips to get turned on if you’re a “slow burner”…