Today’s post is gloriously unashamed in it’s cheesiness.
And that’s ironic, because this blog is allll about shame.
My question to you is- why don’t we ever talk about having a low sex drive?
Where are all the people chatting it up about how they’re not feeling like bonking today?
Where are the Sex and the City stars gossiping over Martini’s about how they’d rather watch Kilroy reruns than have a shag?
Where are the plot lines, the stories unfolding, about people who literally don’t feel like fucking.
I’ll tell you. They’re bloody nowhere!
There is a distinct silence wrapped around having a low libido in our society where it feels like EVERYONE but you wants (and is having) sex.
Why the silence?
I believe that it’s partly because, in an era of women’s sexual revolution, we’ve done such a great job showing women as sexual beings that not being one just seems…. well… a bit shit.
Now don’t get me wrong. Shows like Girls, SATC, Flea Bag and others have been epic at showing women actively enjoying shagging whomever and whenever they like.
We’re smashing the patriarchy to shit when it comes to slut shaming and breaking taboos all over the show about waffing and fanny galloping.
Female sex shops have sprung up like wildfire and made it to the high street. Tupperware parties have turned into dildo purchasing frenzies. And we’re loving the idea of the sexually empowered woman.
But, for those of us who have lost any desire TO have sex, we’re left feeling pretty isolated, frigid and empty that we don’t also fit this mold.
In fact, we feel so far from the idea of the “sexually empowered woman” that we might as well abandon all hope, don a bin bag and hope that long nightgowns and Kilroy come back into fashion.
That’s how exciting our bedtimes are.
All joking aside. Well, slight joke/my reality aside,
The moral of the story is, that shame stops us talking and encourages us to compare ourselves falsely against others. We spin ourselves stories of others success and our demise that keeps us locked in silence.
Fear also keeps us worried and isolated. What is wrong with me? Will I ever be fixed? Will my friends judge me, or laugh, or also think I’m broken? Will my partner leave/cheat etc if I don’t get myself sorted?
It’s funny that infact, the best antidote to shame and fear is breaking the silence.
So go forwards- tell those you know and trust.
Have conversations with girlfriends over martinis about how you’d rather watch paint dry than shag your husband.
Tell your yoga pals that your libido is AWOL and organise a search party.
Gather your sisters and hold a funeral for your vagina.
Do whatever you need to in order to speak out, and I guarantee it will allow others to voice what is inside their own heart too. And I bet, more than one person will also confide in you about their own experiences. The more we talk, the more we understand each other and ourselves. And the less we live in shame and silence.
Do you speak out about having a low sex drive? I’d love to know how you’ve found it, or whether your experiences echo mine.
For more, check out the #Italksex campaign on Twitter run by the Scarlet Ladies