There is a really rather large open secret to improving your sex drive that I’ve learned since embarking on a journey to re-find my own.
And once you know it, it’s really rather simple…
*Puts on sandwich board and loudhailer, prepares to walk around screaming this from top of lungs for the benefit of all women around the world*
It’s not really about turning on your sex drive at all.
Rather, it’s about turning off what turns it off.*
Learning about yourself and what things impact on your desire to have sex, as well as how to counter them, is the best defence you have against a low sex drive.
*from the teachings of the great Emily Nagoski
What I’ve learned:
Through experiencing a complete lack of libido, and then beginning to find it again, I’ve realised that our sex drives are changeable.
So it’s common and normal to have waves of higher and lower levels of desire throughout our lives, depending on what’s happening for us at the time, or on the night.
Let’s say that again.
But (helpfully), the more knowledge you can gain about what is turning you off, the quicker you can turn yourself back on.
Ultimately, your sex drive relies on three really important factors to be healthy, fulfilling, and pleasurable:
So investing time and energy in these three areas is often what many of us need to move forwards. You can read more about this here in the Six Steps to Improve Desire.
By acknowledging that there is an issue, that you’re not enjoying or having sex in the way that you want to, is half of the battle.
And embarking on a journey to find your sexuality is one of the most amazing things you can ever do for yourself.
Finding a balance between what puts the brakes on your sex drive and how you find ways to minimise these might be a lifelong task- like owning a house there’s always some decoration work needed, an internal wall or two to knock out, a garage re-paint, a spring clean or total renovation needed.
But your sex life/drive IS important, and is totally worth the upkeep.
Are you ready to roll up your sleeves and get to work on some sexuality DIY?
Note: I am not a doctor, sexual health professional or therapist so please consult an expert before undertaking the guidance on this blog. Cheers!