There is a very stubborn misconception that exists around sex in long term relationships.
That good sex will “just happen”.
And that if you need to work at it, your relationship or you have somehow failed.
However, if you’re finding yourself feeling like the sex has got a little “meh”, or your attraction to your partner has waned, know that this is normal.
And it might be down to what’s known as The Coolidge Effect.
“The Coolidge Effect”- where your sexual arousal lessens over time to the same sexual stimulus.
Named after an ex-US President, the Coolidge effect means that over time we feel boredom with our partners, the positions we take or the seduction routine. We build up a certain tolerance to their advances and the effect of them simply becomes less exciting.
Because as Esther Perel says, how erotic and exciting can the familiar be?
The Coolidge Effect is so called because of a comment made by President Calvin Coolidge to his wife whilst at a chicken farm:
“Mrs. Coolidge, observing the vigor with which one particularly prominent rooster covered hen after hen, asked the guide to make certain that the President took note of the rooster’s behavior. When President Coolidge got to the hen yard, the rooster was pointed out and his exploits recounted by the guide, who added that Mrs. Coolidge had requested that the President be made aware of the rooster’s prowess. The president reflected for a moment and replied, ‘Tell Mrs. Coolidge that there is more than one hen.’”  Justin Lehmiller.com
However, this effect is said to be a natural phenomenon that encourages us (or many people argue that it affects men more so… *hmmm*) to mate with as many others as possible to secure the best chance of reproduction.
Especially after two years, after which experts say is the average amount of time it takes for the relationship honeymoon period to end.
So, if you’re wanting to keep things fresh and exciting in the bedroom we need to continually fight this Coolidge Effect.
And the best way to do this?
Introduce novelty, excitement and variety into your sex life.
And this doesn’t just mean chains and whips and excitement, baby. There’s plenty of ways to keep things novel that don’t involve investing in a sex dungeon or take up swinging.
Stay tuned to my new post on how to keep things interesting when you’re lazy or pushed for time!
P.S. Have you experienced the Coolidge Effect? What do you do to keep things interesting?