A low libido often means that we can almost completely stop thinking about sex (as well as experience a diminished desire to have it!).
And for many of us, these thoughts aren’t suddenly going to fall from the sky, or turn up behind the sofa along with some loose change and the remote control without a little prompting.
So instead, a great way of kick starting desire is by scheduling in time just to think about sex.
This trick works because it helps you wake up your mind to erotic thoughts. It encourages your brain into restarting itself and log back in to the sexual part of yourself. It’s great at helping you find that sexual, sensual side you might feel disconnected from.
Thinking about sex can also help you cultivate a lost sense of sexual identity. It brings the the idea of sex back into your brain, and through your imagination you spend time reminding yourself what sex is, who you are, and what you like in bed.
And for those of us that just can’t bear the thought of having sex, this might be a great place to start.
So, some ideas on how to schedule in time to think about sex (and what to think about!):
Actually put aside time to think about it. Set a phone reminder, make a note in your diary, turn your out of office on and lock the door. Whatever you need to do to prioritize this time, consider it a sacred space in your day (or week) where you spend a few minutes reminding yourself that sex exists. The more you do so, you’ll find yourself naturally thinking of sex more often, and it may even trigger a few fantasies- amazing! This is all a step closer to your sex drive returning and you waking up to desire.
Pay attention to any sexual “flutters” you might feel. Being more aware of your body is really important for women who feel they’ve lost connection with touch and the sensation of being aroused.
Consider this time as sexual self-care. You’re looking after you and your relationship by prioritising sex. You’re doing great!
Make sex your new hobby. I’m not talking about *having* sex, but rather learning about sex. Find opportunities to bring sex into your everyday. Read blog posts, watch Youtube sex tips, attend sex classes, follow sex coaches on twitter…. bring sex and sexuality into your inbox, social media feed (and ultimately your mind) daily. You’ll find these helpful prompts to bring sex onto your own radar, even if you’re still finding that tough to do on your own.
Grow your imagination: this is the most important step because imagination is so closely linked with desire. You can improve your ability to imagine by fantasising, reading erotica, watching TV shows that make you horny or pornography, looking at images or GIFs, reading a steamy novel…. the opportunities are endless and really individual to us all. The more you begin to imagine sex, you’ll be more able to tap into that side of yourself and access sexual thoughts, images and fantasies easier. It’s about making your sexual identity more accessible, visible and bringing it into the foreground so that eventually intimacy will just prioritise itself.
The more connected to yourself and your desires through erotic fiction the easier it will be to access them in future- it’s almost like practising flexing it like a muscle. The more you do it, the closer you’ll feel to that sexual side. And this helps with knowing what turns you on– the two feed into each other!
How about you- do you schedule in time to think about sex?