Many people say that your sex drive is like a barometer for your general well-being.
So a fall in desire could be perceived as a message from yourself indicating that something isn’t quite right.
Very often, that’s around our mental and emotional well-being.
Stress, pressure, anxiety, depression or a lack of body confidence can all really impact on how much we feel like having sex.
And it’s really easy to underestimate the role our mind plays in dictating our levels of desire. Especially when things like stress are a familiar weight many of us don’t even realise we are carrying.
Below is a quick low down on HOW a low mood/well-being impacts on sexual desire. Click the links for more information and tips for what to do if you’re affected, or visit this category on the blog to find out more.
Stress has the effect of leaving us feeling utterly frazzled.
And it also biologically flicks the “off switch” on our desire.
Meaning even if we want to want it, our body (and brain) says “no”.
So if you’re feeling exhausted and can’t summon an ounce of wanting to get jiggy, can’t be bothered to have sex, get irritated at the thought of it, or it’s literally fallen off of your to-do list it’s so long, this could be the issue to focus on.
Click below to find out more information on how stress closes down desire (knowledge really is power!) as well as tips and ideas for what you can do to find your own “on switch” and regain your sex drive.
*You might also find the section below on anxiety useful, as well as “learning how to stay present and enjoy sex”*
Anxiety really is a sneaky f*cker because it affects our sex drive in all sorts of ways, and is SUPER common (especially among women).
Similar to the effect of stress, feeling anxious means our bodies are ready to “fight or flight”, not to start bonking.
We might not be conscious of our anxiety- it could be a background buzz you’re used to.
Or we might be really aware of our worried thoughts crowding out our desire. Anxiety might mean you struggle to focus on making love, have difficulties getting aroused, to relax into sex or just let go and have a good time. We lose touch with our body and our awareness of what triggers our sexual response is dimmed, so we’re less able to pay attention to them.
And if sex is meant to be fun, pleasurable, ridiculous, anxiety can make bonking feel the complete opposite!
Click below to find out lots more about how anxiety can close down desire, and some practical exercises and tips to help you stop worrying and enjoy yourself!
*You might also find the section above on stress useful, as well as “learning how to stay present and enjoy sex”*
Whether you are going through a low spell or have a clinic diagnosis of depression, it can play havoc on your sex drive.
A sense of numbness, the impact on your self-esteem, poor sleep or the effect of anti-depressants can all lower your desire for sex.
Click below for links and resources to help if you think depression might be the cause of your low libido.
Worries about your body are a sure fire way to close down any desire to have sex.
If you’re thinking about or trying to hide your perceived flaws, you’re not thinking about pleasure, fun or just letting go and having a lovely time.
And that can mean sex feels stressful, upsetting, worrying or just not that great!
Read on to find out more about “spectatoring” about how this impacts on desire, as well as tons of ideas about how to improve your confidence in your body and focus on what really matters in bed.
When our well-being dips, our desire often suffers in many complicated ways that tie into one another- so that it’s difficult to separate cause and effect.
Be gentle with yourself if this is affecting you.
Check out the resources section for well-known (and excellent) support services that might be able to help.
Don’t be afraid to seek professional support for your mental health and well-being. There is no shame in reaching out and speaking to others if you feel that your ability to live your life/enjoy sex is compromised by your emotions.