What’s the secret to improving my sex drive?

better sex drive libido desire

The vast majority of advice, tips and sites dedicated to improving your libido are about turning you on more.

Dirty weekends in Bognor, sticking on a naughty film, going on a spending spree in Ann Summers.

We all know the advice. 

And although for some of us this can help rev our engines, for others these strategies feel about as useful as tits on a snake.


There’s one really rather large secret to improving your sex drive.

And that’s because it’s not really about turning you on at all.

Rather, it’s about turning OFF whats turning you off.

Let me explain….


This idea comes from Emily Nagoski and her amazing work on understanding our sexual accelerators (what turns us on) and our sexual brakes (what turns us off). You can read more about them here

She suggests that if our sexual brake is down as hard as it can be, no amount of accelerator pressing (e.g. butt plugs/dirty weekends in Bognor/candles/porn) is going to get us off.

So the key instead?

Work out what’s stopping you from feeling like you want sex.

And the sooner you understand more about yourself and what is closing down your desire, the quicker you can turn yourself back on.

Often there is no “quick fix” for a low sex drive, but rather a gradual understanding of what is diminishing your desire and then learning how to reduce their impact.

So, to get your sex drive back I’d recommend going to this page and exploring the sections most relevant to you to find out what could be closing down your desire. Each section has tailored help, information, tips and guidance that you can try depending on what is impacting on your libido. 

Everyone is different and the solution to finding your desire will depend on what factors are affecting it. Often it’s more than one issue and involves a multi-layered approach. Or, explore the blog and click the categories/tags that relate to your experience. 

You CAN do this. Take a breath, believe in yourself, and know you are worth this journey. You have the power to change your life, and a better sex drive and that sexual aliveness you’ve been searching for are within reaching distance. Let’s go.

Good luck!


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